Review: This is Not a Personal Statement by Tracy Badua

From rising star Tracy Badua comes a poignant, propulsive standalone YA novel about a teen who, after getting rejected from her dream college, forges her own acceptance and commits to living a lie—perfect for fans of Mary H.K. Choi and Gloria Chao.

An incisive, relatable tale of acceptance, self-discovery, and the infinite possibilities that await when we embrace our imperfections.

As the youngest graduating senior at her hypercompetitive high school, Perla Perez is certain all the late nights, social isolation, and crushing stress will be worth it when she gets into the college of her (and her parents’) dreams: Delmont University.

Then Perla doesn’t get in, and her meticulously planned future shatters. In a panic, she forges her own acceptance letter, and next thing she knows, she’s heading to Delmont for real, acceptance or not. Perla’s plan? Gather on-the-ground intel to beef up her application and reapply spring semester before she’s caught.

But as her guilty conscience grows and campus security looms large, Perla starts to wonder if her plan will really succeed, and if this dream she’s worked for her entire life is something she even wants. 

• Title: This is Not a Personal Statement
• Author:  Tracy Badua
• Publisher: Quill Tree Books
• Publication Date: January 17th, 2023
• Genre: Contemporary 
• Targeted Age Range: YA
• Content Warnings: mentions of amphetamine use to help students stay awake and study for classes (chapter 1), controlling parents, vomit (chapter 3), mentions of past monitored dieting of a minor (chapter 6), elitism, mentions of racism, mentions of cheating (not main character), underage drinking (chapter 33), vomit (chapter 39)
• Rating: ★★★★

I’ve had This is Not a Personal Statement by Tracy Badua on my TBR for a long time and I was so excited to get my hands on a copy and finally read this book. This is Not a Personal Statement is a great commentary on the pressures that teenagers — especially those from immigrant families — face surrounding college and the dangers of placing too much importance and self worth on academic achievements and success.

I am not kidding when I say that this book had me more stressed and nervous than most of the mystery/thrillers I’ve read recently. I was practically an anxiety-ridden mess while reading, which I believe is the point as that’s how Perla felt for most of the book. Perla, like many others in her situation (type a, overachiever, superiority complex, overbearing parents) is a master at suppressing her own wants and needs so that she can be the “best” at everything she does. There were so many times, especially as the story went on, where I really just wanted to give her a hug and say “you don’t have to do this, you don’t have to always be the best, you can let yourself rest.” and it was really heartbreaking that she didn’t have anyone to tell her something like that until after she graduated high school.

While I don’t think that Perla was always an easy character to like, I do think that she was an easy character to understand. Perla’s judgment was definitely clouded and she tended to adjust her morals when it suited her, so there were absolutely moments of moral ambiguity, which I think just made her all the more real. Often times, even if we’re aware of what’s right and what’s wrong, we make choices that fall somewhere between the two depending on what it is that we want, and that’s exactly what Perla does — she’s a young woman at her breaking point and she makes a ridiculous choice to avoid disappointing her family.

“When love seems conditioned on you being and doing exactly what someone wants, you do whatever it takes to keep them believing you’re worthy.”

Really, my overwhelming feeling (besides anxiety) while reading this was sadness. One of the moments that I found most heartbreaking was when she recalled getting a D on a math test in 5th grade. Her mother said to her, “Don’t ever do this to me again.” I was astonished that instead of talking to her child about what it was that she was struggling with, Perla’s mother took this grade as a failure on her parenting skills. It also really bothered me that anytime Perla tried to express stress or general feelings of being overwhelmed, her parents would use the struggles their immigrant families went through as a way to minimize her struggles. While the struggles involved in immigrating to America as a person of color aren’t on the same level as struggling with school, both are valid, especially with the pressure that Perla was put under and it was disheartening to hear it being dismissed by her parents.

I don’t love that the book played into the “overbearing Asian parents” stereotype, but on the other hand, the book literally doesn’t work unless her parents are the way that they are, so I understand why the choices were made. I will say that the end of the book satisfied me, as I do think that the ending both had elements of what I wanted from Perla’s situation with her parents, and closure for this part of the story seemed realistic for the most part.

Overall, I really did enjoy this book and if you’re looking for an academically focused book that discusses the pressures that are put on high schoolers as they prepare for college, then I’d definitely recommend this one.

Links for This is Not a Personal Statement: Goodreads | TheStoryGraph | Bookshop | IndieBound